There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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