a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
