we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
