omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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