im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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