Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
