Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
its liver damage thursday
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
