Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
