Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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