508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
