I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
