She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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