is your mom at the bar?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
