he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
