She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
never play flip cup with pint glasses
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
