home. puking in laundry basket.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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