can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
