he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
