There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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