I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Semen is not good for contacts.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
