cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
