I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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