so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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