it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
They took my balls.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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