i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
