So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
