I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
