im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
