maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
