I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
