Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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