I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Randomize
