Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
