So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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