I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
