Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Never joke about your clitoris.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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