pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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