i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
