I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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