I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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