i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
