You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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