Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
