my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
