She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
