you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
