There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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