He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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