i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
