The maid of honor just puked.
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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