Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I understand Curling. That high.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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