you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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